My United States Of Whatever

*sigh*
Well, today was a shitty day. I don’t know why, it was just shitty, I was sitting here playing my game, and this depression hit me, and I think it is because I had to work, and I didn’t want to, all I wanted to do was go and see Tiff, and hold her. I really miss her, I wish I would have been able to see her today, *sigh* oh well you know, you can see the person you love every day. It is just today was one of the worst days to not see her, I cant really explain it, it is just I really wanted to see her, and knowing she was at home, and that if I could, I would drive over there and see her, and yeah, but not being able to because my mom didn’t want me going anywhere today sucked. She is supposed to call me tonight, but she hasn’t yet, and I hope she didn’t forget, but if she did that is ok, because yeah, it is just me. And I will just call her tomorrow when I wake up, or she will call me when she wakes up, whoever wakes up first (which will probably be her). *sigh*, I wish she would call though, I really want to talk to her, god do I miss her. She called me at 8 saying she might be late calling, because her, Megan, Moe, and Brandon were gonna go and see the Butterfly Effect, and yeah. But I thought she would have called before midnight, but she hasn’t yet, and I am saddened, and I hope she did forget, and I hope she calls. That is all really, not much of an entry, but oh well, it is just today really sucked, and I wish I would have been able to do something with my love, *sigh*, I still hope she calls. And I hope I can do something with her tomorrow.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Nothing

Thinking
Well, she called. And for that, I am VERY happy she did. We talked, it was good. Even though she is sorry for calling, because I cried, but it is ok, I want her to talk to me about stuff like that, and it makes me happy that she can, and just doesn’t hide it like other people do. I was thinking, would her life be less troubled if I never went out with her, and she never fell in love with me, and I never fell in love with her. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to death, and I don’t want to think what it would be like if I never fell in love with her. I love her, I really do. Ever since we started going out, and I fell deeply in love with her. Maybe that was the problem, I don’t know. But I was also thinking, I wonder if the world would be better off if I were to die, or go away. I am not saying I am gonna go off and kill myself, I don’t have the balls to do that. But like if I were to die from this cough I have, like if I started coughing and had an attack, and stopped breathing, and couldn’t start again, and died, would everyone be off better. Tiff wouldn’t have so much trouble in her life, I mean it would hurt her soooooo much, my death, but maybe in the long run, it would be better. My parents would get a lot more money, because they wouldn’t have to give me money when I spend all mine for gas, and food, and such. And they would be able to move now, instead of waiting for me to graduate. I don’t think it would be a good thing if I died, no, it isn’t. *sigh* I wish I could help Tiff out, I REALLY want to help her, but I don’t know how. I offered to go and leave her life, but I don’t know how that would affect her. I think in the long run, it would hurt her more than it would help her, so we cant leave her life, because I NEVER want to hurt her. I don’t know, I guess I am just writing this, and hoping Tiff will read it, and comment on it, because this is stuff I cant talk to her face to face with. It is my one tragic flaw, I am way to fucking shy, *sigh* I must go now though, sleep is needed to perform tomorrow.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Alive-Raiko (it is a song from Naruto, my favotrie anime)

Waiting
Well, life is going very good right now. I still have Tiff, and we both love each other, and it is great, I don’t know what I would do without her. I was talking to my aunt about moving in with her when my family moves after school gets out next year, and it looks like I am most likely gonna move in with my aunt Sandy, even though I REALLY don’t want to live with mike, because I cant deal with him very long, but I figure it will be ok, because if he pisses me off, I can just leave. I am waiting for Tiff to call now, she got off work at 10, and said she would call me when she got home... it is now 11:30, and she still hasn’t called, and either she didn’t get home (which I am scared about, because if anything happens to her, I will be so sad), or she got another call, or she just got home, and forgot to call me. So tomorrow I am gonna call her when I wake up, and see if she wants to do anything, which I REALLY hope she does, because I want to do something with her sooooo bad, but if she has other plans, than I guess I will just let her go and do that stuff, even though it will make me sad that I cant do anything with her. I hope she calls, I miss her sooooo much right now. I wish I could see her, and it makes me sad that she might not call me tonight, I look forward to my talks with her at night. I just hope she can do something, because if she can’t, I think I might cry. But I think I am gonna head out, because I am done, and I feel like I am gonna cry, so yeah.

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Nothing

sitting around
Well, I haven't written in this thing for a VERY long time, I don’t know, ever since I broke up with Tiff, I have been able to talk to her a lot better, so I didn’t need this thing to talk to her about stuff I was afraid to talk to her about face-to-face, but yeah. I am waiting for her to call right now, which I don’t think she is gonna do because it is 11:15, and I think she is asleep by now. I feel bad, because I couldn’t do anything with her today, and I told her I was gonna, but instead we made plans to do something tomorrow before she has to work, so yeah. I wish I would have gotten a call tonight, I really miss her. We aren’t going out yet, but I feel like we might be going back out again soon. Which is awesome, because I care about her sooooo much, and ever since we broke up, I have seen my wrongs that I did when we were going out, and fixed them, and will not do it the next time we go out. I hope I get her back, I will miss going out with her, I don’t know what it is about her, it is just every time I am laying next to her, or with her, there is something in me that that feels like we are in our own world and nothing can bother us or hurt us there, and I like it. It is hard to describe it, but it is the BEST feeling in the world, and I think if I lost that feeling I get when I am with her, I would hurt for a very long time, and might not be able to get back to normal. I hope I don’t lose her, and I hope that we go out soon again. I have found my dream car as of now, it is a Mazda RX8, black, with pink under-lighting, a nice system, and it has to be fast, VERY fast, because I need a fast car, I cant go very fast in my little Geo. I think I am gonna sell the Geo to Tiff when she gets her license, I don’t know how much yet, and I got to get it fixed before I give it to her, but yeah, I think I might sell it to her. Than I need to go and find a stick car, because I want to drive a manual car. Not much has been going on her, I usually just hang out with Tiff, which is fricken awesome, because I love being around her. Saturday I went to the zoo with her, that was a great time, I had a lot of fun, and I hope she did too. I just got my call from her, so therefore she didn’t break her promise to me, and that is good, I knew she wouldn’t. We just talk for like 40 mins, and it was great, I love talking to her, she makes me feel so happy. But I must go now, because I need to be up early in the morning so I can go to the DMV to get Tiff's temps renewed, so I say goodnight.

Current Mood: dirty
Current Music: Why Don't You and I-Chad Kroger/Santana-mine and Tiff's song

At my Oma's
Well, yesturday was fun. I had detention in the morning, than i went over to Tiff's house, and i spent time with her till 5, than we went with Andrew to go and get dinner, than to get movies, and than back over to her house, and when we got back, we found out her dad is coming home, and than it was sad. Than JC came over, and than Zac came over, and at this time i was down in her basement all by myself, being sad, than i went upstairs to go to the bathroom, and Andrew, AJ, and Doug came over, and it just got worse, because i dont really like Doug, so yeah. I was sitting outside, and i got myself so worked up that i threw my keys at the side of Tiff's house, than i went to go inside, and Tiff was coming out and she blocked the door and asked me what was wrong, i told her nothing and pushed past her. Than Doug said hello, i looked at him like i was gonna kill him and said hello, and walked by into Tiff's room. Than i was laying there, and Tiff came in, and we talked for a couple seconds than everone else came in, and AJ jumped on me and started humping me, and it took everything i had to not grab him and throw him across the room, or hit him. Than AJ, Andrew, and Doug left, but before they left AJ said something to Tiff (because he always needs to say something) before he left, and she went insane, and was gonna kill him, so Andrew put her over his shoulder and took her into her room, where i was, and i held her back. Than me and Tiff talked for like 30 mins about stuff, and she went to go and watch South Park with JC, and i joined them, than when one episode ended, me and Tiff left to go to the gas station and got some ice cream, and we went back to her house and ate it, and watched two more episodes of South Park, and than the South Park movie, and that ended at about 2, and Zac and JC left, Zac went to my house because he was sleeping over, and after they left, i tucked Tiff into her bed, gave her a couple kisses goodnight, and left. Today i worked and it sucked, now i am at my grandmothers, and yeah, i want to talk to Tiff, but she is at work right now, and i have to wait till tomorrow to see her, i miss her ever so much, but i need to go now, my cousin needs the computer.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Nothing

Second day in a row.....
Well, I finished downloading my episode of Naruto (mine and Zac's favorite manga, but in a show that is only in Japan right now), and it is a VERY sad one, I cant really explain it, but yeah, just know, that if you knew what was going on in the story line, you would cry, I didn’t, but hey, I am an emotional person, I cry a lot. This is the second night I have cried, and probably will cry some more, it is nothing anyone did, it is just, yesterday my parents yelled at me, and my father hit me, and when I get hit by one of them, it is like getting your self-esteem bubble popped, and yeah, I just guess I have gotten use to them hitting me, because before when they did, I would just get VERY upset, or maybe it is because I now can control my feelings, most the time, and instead of anger, I get sad when I get hit, or maybe it is just because I am a pansy fuck, who needs to stop crying all the time, and grow some balls, and incase my heart in steel, so I don’t cry anymore, and just become a hard ass. The thing I told myself I would never become..... Maybe that is the solution; maybe if I become a hard ass, I will stop crying all the time, and people wouldn’t think I am a wuss, that is it, I got it now. I don’t know why, but I have these pains in my side that wont go away, I wish they did, maybe I am dieing, I get pains in my sides and ribs, and heart at random times, I wish that would go away also, maybe it is because I don’t eat but one meal a day, hmmmm, maybe I should start taking my vitamins again.......naw. She didn’t call tonight, I kinda guessed she wouldn’t, but at the same time, even when I knew she wasn’t gonna call, I got sad, and the Naruto episode didn’t help to keep me from crying, but I shouldn’t cry just because she didn’t call, well, I don’t think I did cry because she didn’t call, but I think it might have been a little of the reason why I did. I should probably go to bed now, because it is 11:12, and I need to get up at 6, so I can drive all the way to the falls to get gas, and than out to Hartford, *sigh*.

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: The Washing Machine

Can't Sleep
Well, I haven't written in this for a long time. Not a lot has been happening, I thought I was gonna lose Tiff ever since Monday, because she stopped taking her medicine, and so seemed like she was happy with everyone else, and not happy with me, and it was VERY sad. But now everything is fine, and we talked about it, so everything is fine, and I am back to my normal happy self. We just got the computer fixed, so the virus is off, so yeah, it works much better now. Tiff is grounded till progress reports come out, and if she isn’t getting a 10.0 she will be grounded again, and that is VERY sad, I hate not being able to do stuff with her, after school is when we do stuff, and that is only for a little bit, but that is ok, because at least me and her get to spend time together. I was 20 mins late to work on Monday, and Gary pointed at his wrist like "where were you" and I told him I had something to do for school, and he asked why I didn’t call, and I told him I didn’t have the number, but when I got home tonight, I would put the number in my cell phone right away so that if it ever happened again, I would be able to call work, and he was like ok. Saturday I got to go over to Tiff's house before she got grounded, and it was fun, I cant believe what her dad let us do, he came in and said something, and than he closed the door! He usually yells at us for that, but neither her mother or her father came in at all, just like once both, and it was just me and Tiff time, and it was GREAT, I miss my time with her when we are alone *sigh* I want to be with her alone once and a while. She has to work tomorrow, and I think I am gonna go and visit her during her break. And than Thursday she has a driving appointment, and Friday I think we might do something at her house, and than she works again on Saturday, and she works 6 hours, so she gets 2 breaks and a lunch, so I think I am gonna go and visit her on all of those also. But I must go, because I am getting tired, and I don’t want to be very tired at school tomorrow.

Current Mood: content
Current Music: Nothing as of now

After Work
Well, I had to work today, and so did Tiff, she had to work from 5-10, and that is sad, because I wanted to see her today, *sigh* Work was hell, I was the only UC there, and it was hard work, and every time I go outside, and the wind would hit my face, my headache would get even worse, and it sucked. I still have a headache, kinda, but I am still not gonna take any medicine for it, because I don’t like taking anything for anything. Before I went to work, I went over to Kellie’s house to give Zac the new Shojen Jump, and I went into Justin's room (Kellie's brother) and took out his paintball gun, and got it all set up, and I went into Kellie's room, where Zac and Kellie were, and I asked Zac if I can shoot him with it, and he said yes, so I did, but he either didn’t think I was serious, or he didn’t think I was gonna shoot him yet, but I did, and he freaked, I shot him when he was like 5 feet away, but I think before I left he got over it. Than after Kellie's I went back to my house, and I played my game for a little bit, and I got angry with it, and I slammed my hand down on my desk, and I took a huge chuck out of my pinky finger, and yeah, it started bleeding, and I broke the cd case I hit. It sucked, but I won my race, and I was 5 mins late for work, and I thought I was gonna get suspended, so that I could call my love, and tell Tiff I was gonna pick her up and bring her to work, and before work, me and her could have done something, but no, no one even freakin noticed *sigh* Than it got worse, because than the headache started, and yeah. Someone put my sweatshirt into the freezer, and it was all cold, and it sucked, but it helped with my headache a little. Something is wrong with John, and he doesn’t know what it is. I hope my love calls tonight, I REALLY want to talk to her, I love talking with her, and I hope she does. I hope I can pick her up and bring her to school tomorrow. I need to go, I am tired, and I need to sleep.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: The TV

Hmmmm
Well, this spring vacation was good (after Tiff got back). Yesterday was our 2-month, and I took her to go and see Hellboy (good movie) and she bought dinner. I had SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun with her, I love spending time with her, she makes me feel like the world doesn’t matter, she makes me feel like I am floating, I love her EVER so much. She is such a wonderful person, and I am so lucky to have someone as beautiful and wonderful and sexy as her, and I am glad that she thinks I am the most awesomest guy in the school. Today at work was one of those slacker days again. Than I got to see my family at my Oma's house, my Oma was wondering why Tiff wasn’t there, and she was sad that I didn’t bring her over with me. She is suppose to call me tonight, she said she would call at 9, maybe she forgot, or is pre-occupied by something else, hmmmmm, I REALLY hope she calls, I miss her EVER so much. I am suppose to go to Kellie's house for desert with Zac, and Jc, but I don’t know, and than I am suppose to go and sleep over at my cousin's house, I haven’t done that in like forever, so yeah. My brother and sister were screwing around, and my dad just go pissed and hit both their butts, and now all you hear is crying, poor Kyle and Catie, but they should have stopped when my dad said so I guess. Hmmmmm, I just found out my hockey lost, damn, but they only need to win one more game to move on, so that is good. I think I am gonna go and lay around, and wait for my love to call me, which I REALLY hopes she does, for I miss her, and I want to talk to her.

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: The TV

She has returned, YAY!
Well, today was boring for the first half, than because I was in so much pain, and so tired, I went to sleep at like 1, and than I got a call at 2, and it was my love. She said that she is in Slinger, and that she needs to be picked up at the high school, because her mother is at work, and her dad is not picking up the phone, so I left my house and picked her up. When I got to the school, Jc ran out to me, and we hugged, and than I see Tiff, and she is running out to me, and I put my arms out, and Jc stepped in the way, and she yelled at him, and kept running, and than she jumped into my arms, and put her legs around my waist, and I gave her the BIGGEST hug in the world. God, I missed my love, I am so glad she is back. Than we drove to her house, and I told Jc to wait in my car while we waited to see if Tiff could do anything, and Tiff and me were inside of the house for 2 hours and 30 mins, before Jc finally came inside, and me and her and Jc were laying on her bed. Her dad was being REALLY nice, and it was weird, and than Tiff's mom was talking to us three for like an hour, than me and Jc left. Me and him went to Brad's house, and I ate his food, and it was good. Than they went to the truck stop, and I don’t know what they are doing now. Zac might sleep over at my house tonight, he is gonna call at like 11:30 and let me know if he is or not. I was supposed to get a call from Tiff, but I guess she is just sleeping. I LOVE the presents she got me. She got me a pirate patch and earring, a pirate flag (which kicks ASS), and this skull, I think it is a demon skull, or a dragon skull, but when my mother saw it, she was like "I don’t want that demon thing in my house" and I told her to live with it. Zac's present is awesome too, I know he is gonna like it. I hope Tiff and I will be able to do something tomorrow, hopefully. Also, we BETTER be able to do something on Saturday, because that is our 2 month, and it would be EVER so sad if we couldn’t do anything. But I am getting REALLY tired, so I am gonna go and sleep in my new bed, ha ha.

Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Nothing

She comes home tomorrow
Well, today was an ok day. I got to talk to Tiff at 6:00 in the morning, it was my wake up call, I hear my cell ringing, and I pick it up, and she says "good morning" and I was instantly happy. Than I got my hair cut, it is like an inch long right now, and it is weird. Than after my hair cut I went to my cousins, and like ALL his friends came over, and I stole Vicki’s car, and drove away with it, and it was funny, because she tried to hurt me, but she couldn’t. Than we had a huge water fight, and I barley got hit with any water, but like everyone else got SOAKED. Than I left there because it got boring FAST, and went to Subway to meet up with Kellie and Zac, that was........interesting. Than we went to Brad's and when we were leaving (they were going to church group, and I was going home) Kellie back into one of the poles by Brad's driveway, and it was hilarious, she is a bad driver. I can’t wait till Friday, I want to see her SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad right now, I REALLY miss her, I just want to cuddle with her. I got a new mattress, and I hope it is comfortable. I hope my love doesn’t get in to much trouble for her grades, and I hope her parents let her go and do something on Friday, and than she BETTER be able to do something on Saturday, if she cant, I am gonna cry, because it is our 2 month, and she has to be able to do something. I wish she didn’t buy me any presents, I feel bad now *sigh* But I got her something, so I win, because I said so. My friend Nathan is sleeping over tonight, but I have to go, sleep is calling.

Current Mood: horny
Current Music: The TV

She leaves tomorrow
Well, I had fun for the first half of me day. Me, Zac, Kellie, Justin (Kellie's brother), and Bob the Jew all went to Mayfair. I got Naruto 3, which i have wanted forever, and i bought my love something, which i know she will like, because yeah. Than John came, and we talked with him, and it was cool. I found a subwoofer that i want to buy, and i am gonan put it in my little Geo, he he he he, it is gonna fall apart, I cant wait. Than on the way home, me and Zac were looking out the window at people in cars, and this one guy started laughing, and when I looked at him, he freaked out (on purpose) and than I freaked, and everyone in the car was laughing soooooo hard, it was great. Than I got home, and I was sitting around, and it hit me, I REALLY miss Tiff, it didn’t hit me this hard till today. I don’t know why it didn’t till today, but it did, so I was really pissed at everyone I came into contact with, but oh well, she is leaving tomorrow afternoon, and she will be home on Thursday, and than me and her are gonna do something on Friday, because we NEED to, we miss each other sooooooooooooooooooo much, it is sad to think about it. I am sooooooooo glad I got to talk to her tonight, I thought she wasn’t gonna call, but she did, and I am happy now. I have a headache though, and I am REALLY tired, I am really worn out, I have had broken sleep (when you are sleeping and you wake up every like hour) since Tiff left, but yeah, I hope I get a couple full nights of sleep before school starts again. I also started training today, and yeah, that might be another reason my back really hurts. I think I am gonna go sleep now though.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: The TV

5 more days till the return
Well, today was kinda cool, other than I am worn out. I got a call at 8:30 am from Tiff, and it was awesome, because I got to talk to her, and it was weird, because I heard the phone ringing, and I thought to myself, I bet that is my love, and my mother came in a couple seconds later, and was like Tiff is on the phone, and I jumped right out of bed and grabbed the phone. Than I played my play station 2 till like 3:50, and left for work, and I was 11 mins late for that. At work, JJ got drunk off cold medicine, and we were goofing off. When we were pushing up some carts, he stopped, and went on one of the pay phones and called the operator, and the person picked up and said, "hello this is operator Vicki, how can I help you?" And JJ yelled "Give me the number to yo mama, BITCH!" And it was so loud that you could hear him on the other side of the parking lot, it was solos funny. Than after he was done with work, I chased him out of the building, and he ran for his car, and he didn’t see a car that was driving, and he ran out in front of it, and almost got hit, and I started laughing so very hard, it was so fricken funny. Tiff told me she had fun today, but her parents are mad because her grades aren’t very good, and she got one F, and she said that her parents want to talk to her about it, and she is gonna tell them, it is my 2 month anniversary with Chris on Saturday, and I don’t care what you say, me and him are gonna do something together, away from this house, and I hope they let her, because if they don’t, that is gonna be EVER so sad. Zac is suppose to sleep over tonight, if I can get a hold of him, but it looks like I am just gonna play my play station 2 all night, and than tomorrow go to kellies for her brothers birthday, and than go to work from 4-7, than go back to kellies till like 8 or 9, than leave and come home, with Zac (he is spending like every day over here, and than wait for my love to call. But I must go now, mother needs the computer.

Current Mood: content
Current Music: The 10 Commandments (some religous movie)

6 more days till the return
Well, today was tiring. A big piece for the pick and save sign, the one above the main doors, fell off, and it shattered, because it is thin plastic, so it shattered like glass, and it could have killed someone. Our boss said he was disappointed in us because a customer told him about it, and we didn’t, but whatever. I really miss Tiff, I hope she calls tonight, she might not, probably wont, because they wont be getting back to the hotel till late, but oh well, I hope I can talk to her tomorrow also. She called my house last night right before I left for my cousin's house, I was getting my jacket on, and the phone rang, and I picked it up, and when I heard her say hi, my heart skipped a couple beats, and I was instantly happy, it was sooooooooooo great to talk to her. She told me Ryan S. (the big guy who plays the big instrument, and went to Richfield, I think you spell his last name Stuer) kissed her on the cheek after the band was done eating dinner, and I am pissed now, I am fine with him giving her the long hugs, but the kiss on the cheek was just a jump over the line, and it mad me upset, I know he likes her, and she doesn’t like him at all, only as a friend, but just because I am not around doesn’t mean he can go and kiss her, grr. I wish I was done there with her, she said she wishes she was up here with me, but we cant be, because she needs to be down there with the band, but I still miss her, and I want to hold her in my arms so very badly, *sigh* I got my ass kicked in Yu-Gi-Oh by my cousin, like 8 times, but it is ok, I bought new cards tonight, and I might have a chance now, but I don’t know. No one is online, I wonder where everyone is, hmmmm. I rented two new games, and I hope they are good, or I just wasted like $13. I was debating if I should sleep over at my cousin's house, and I have decided against it, because I don’t know why, I just want to stay at my house. I need to go now though, I hope she calls, I REALLY do.

Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: The movie Field of Dreams

7 more days till the return
Well, I missed her call tonight. It hurt to listen to her on the answering machine, she said she missed her Chris, and that she would try again tomorrow, and if I miss that one also, I am gonna be pissed. I want to talk to her sooooooooooooooooo bad right now. Since she left, it has been like I lost a part of me, like a HUGE part of me is missing, and I REALLY want it back. I know that sounds obsessive, but I don’t care, I REALLY miss her. I wish I would have been her, I only missed her by like 8 mins, and it sucks, damnit, if only I would have left my grandmothers earlier, I hate this, I feel like shit. I am gonna go sleep over at my cousins tonight so yeah. Than tomorrow I have to work at 1 till 5, and after that, I am coming straight home, because I am NOT gonna miss her call again. I am way to emotional also, I wish I wasn’t, but at the same time I am glad I am, John (tosa) thinks I have PMS but for guys, because when I am in a sad mood, little things, will make me cry, but oh well, people need to cry once and a while, what is wrong doing it as much as I do. There is nothing wrong with crying as much as I do, right? I mean if a person doesn’t cry, they turn into a hard shelled person, that is emotionally dead, and doesn’t give a shit what happens, he is gonna barely be happy, never be sad, and just be a hard ass all the time, so it is ok for a person to cry. I wish I would have been here for her call, this sucks. I hope she calls back later tonight, but that is HIGHLY unlikely, but I can still hope, right? But I must be going now, I feel another crying urge, and my parents are home.

Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: Nothing

Gone (8 more days till the return)
Well, today is the day she is leaving. I wish I didn’t have to let her go, or I wish I would have had more time with her before she left, but it is ok. Last night was sooooooooooooo awesome, we went over to my house, and it was so much fun. I found out today that I am not gonna be able to pick Tiff up when she gets back from Florida, and that her parents are gonna pick her up instead, and that is cool. The 10th is mine and hers 2 month, and I hope we will be able to do something together, if not, that would be sad, but I think we will be able to, because yeah, her dad isn’t mad anymore, in fact he is happy all the time, and it looks like Tiff and him are getting along a lot better. I was surprised that he let her go to my house last night, she is suppose to be grounded, and he let her leave, I was like "wow, I didn’t think that was gonna happen", and it was well worth her coming over, I had so much fun, and I hope she did also, which I think she did. I wish I would have had longer to say goodbye to her, I really miss her right now, as I am sitting here in 6th hour. What everyone cant tell is that I am VERY sad right now, it is just that when I am around people don’t want them to know I am sad, so I act happy, not saying I put on a mask, I just push my sadness down into myself, and than push the happy feelings up, but tonight is gonna be hell, before I go to sleep, it seems like tonight is one of those, I am gonna cry myself to sleep tonight, but oh well, I hope I can talk to her tomorrow, and she doesn’t forget to call me after she calls her parents, but if she forgets, I will understand, I am pretty easy to forget. Tonight me and Zac and other people are gonna do something, I think. Than Zac is gonna spend the night at my house all week till Tiff gets back, and than the day she gets beck, she is gonna give me a call, and I might go over to her house, but if I am not gonna, than me and her might do something next week Friday, but we are for sure gonna do something on Saturday next week, because it is our 2 month (YAY). I feel proud, her longest relationship, that she said, was 2 and a half months, and we are gonna beat that, oh yeah. But I must go now, because my wrists really hurt, and class is almost over.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Nothing

Tomorrow
Well, tomorrow is the day, the day that the band leaves, and the day that I get to be sad, because I don’t get to see or be with my love for a week. I wish she didn’t have to go, or at least I wish I could go with, but seeing as I cant go with, and she cant stay, I will have to settle with her calling me every night, or just the nights she wants to call me. We get to do something today, and that is great, because I thought we weren’t gonna be able to do anything tonight, and than she would have to leave tomorrow, and it would have been so hard to let her go, but seeing as we get to do something, it wont be soooooo hard to let her go, but it is still gonna be hard. But I wish we could go to my house, but she doesn’t want to go out to Hubertus, and she wants to stay close to her house, and I guess that is ok, I am not gonna make her do anything she doesn’t want to. Michelle found Tiff's journal, and Tiff is very upset about that, because Mich wont leave people alone, like me and Tiff, if Mich hates Tiff so much than why did she need to go and find Tiff's journal, Tiff didn’t want anyone to find that journal, and only Megan knew about it, and than Mich found it, and I wish she didn’t because now Tiff is upset, and I wish Mich would just leave that journal alone, and never look at it, because she should leave peoples private stuff alone, and if they wanted them to have it, she would have told her it, and seeing as she didn’t, she should just leave Tiff's journal alone. But seeing as Mich is an evil person, she wont leave it alone, and she will keep lying about leaving comments on my journal, and not using her sn, but oh well, whatever floats her boat, I just want her to leave Tiff's journal alone. I finished my book, and I need to go and buy a new one now, or read the books I own right now. Well, hopefully tonight will be fun, and it probably will be because I am gonna be with Tiff, and whenever I am with her, I am happy. But I need to go, I have work to do.

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Nothing

2 more days
Well, today has been a good day so far, nothing seems to be going wrong, other than the fact that Tiff is grounded, and she wont be able to do anything, and she leaves this Thursday before 1st hour, which sucks ASS. I am gonna miss her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much, I don’t want her to go, I wish I could go with at the least, but I cant, and it is sad, I wish she didn’t have to go. But seeing as she needs to go, I understand, and I hope she has a lot of fun down there, and why wouldn’t she, she wont be seeing me for a week. Ok, so maybe I am wrong with that last statement, because I know I make her happy, and she has an awesome time with me, or at least I hope she does. Words cant describe they way she makes me feel, I wish I could tell her, and I try my hardest, and I always tell her how happy she makes me, but I don’t think she really truly knows how happy she makes me. When I am with her I want to jump up and down. When I am with her, the world around us doesn’t matter, it is just me and her, and no matter what I say or do, it wouldn’t make her mad, and I wish I could be in that world with her for a very long time, longer than I usually am there with her, because I miss her, and the world she puts me into. So this week, and next week till she gets back, I am gonna be very sad, and I want to say sorry to everyone if I make them mad, or if I say something mean to them, but yeah. She is suppose to call me every night, and I hope she does, because as long as I get to talk to her, I will be fine, till she gets back. On the day she gets back, I am gonna pick her up from the Richfield truck stop, and than drive her home, and sadly she wont be able to do anything with me that first day she gets back, and if her father is still being a fucking dick, we wont be able to do anything for a while, but I hope we will be able to. I hope that we will be able to do something the day after she gets back, because I will have missed her soooooooooooooooooo much, it is gonna pain me to drop her off at her house when she gets back. I am sorry for going on about Thursday, it is just so painful to have to do it, and I don’t know, maybe me typing it down will help a little, but would really help the pain of letting her go, would be if she could do something on Wednesday, that would be awesome, and I hope she cant, and I hope her father isn’t a dick and doesn’t let her, because than I would be upset, but the bell is gonna ring.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Nothing

3 more days
Well, I am sitting around playing Final Fantasy X-2, because I couldn’t sleep anymore, so yeah, I am up, and I am just waiting till 11:30 when I get to leave, and go over to my love's house, which is gonna be awesome. She makes me so happy, it is awesome, and I hope I make her happy too, but if not, I understand. Detention sucked yesterday, 3 hours of hell, I finished my new book, that was like 200 some pages, and than I was half way done with the Highwayman, and now I am a little more than two thirds done with it, and yeah, I did a lot of reading, 3 hours of straight reading. Than afterwards I went over to Tiff's house, and we were laying around, and she didn’t want to go to work, but she had to, and I had to be home at 1, so she ended up being 30 mins late, and yeah, I feel bad, because it is my fault. Than I had to go to work at 5, and that went by fast, because all I did was take one long break, I barely went out on carts till 8, than I was out there till 9, and I brought every cart in again, and yeah, my manager was happy. Than I get home, and Tiff calls, and we talk for like an hour, than she starts falling asleep on the phone, and at one point she did fall asleep, but not into deep sleep so I yelled her name, and she woke up, but I feel bad, because I am so boring that she falls asleep on the phone with me *sigh*, oh well, that just means when she is in Florida, and she calls me, she will fall asleep there also, I hope not though. Pat has this huge scratch mark behind his left ear, because Britt scratched him on accident, and yeah, whenever I see him now, I say, "no means no Patrick", and it is funny. But I need to go, people are coming home now, and they need the computer. Oh and if Tiff reads this, I would like her to know, that I once again win.

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: Final Fantasy X-2

5 More Days
Well, today was great, I had SOOOOOOOO much fun with Tiff, I always do. I wish she didn’t have to leave in 5 days, damnit, or at least I wish I could go with, but I cant, and I need to stay up here, while she is down there, being hit on by guys, and not doing anything about it, and then her not calling me, because I am not worth the time, but it is ok, I understand where she is coming from. I do know that she cares about me, and that she will call me and that if some guy came up at started hitting on her, she would stop him. I hope she doesn’t buy me anything, because I am not worth her wasting money on, she needs that money for other things, like stuff for herself, and food, and other things, but yeah. Today was fun, I feel so proud of myself, I hope me and her will be able to do something on Sunday, I hope ever so much. On Monday and Tuesday we wont be able to do anything, because she needs to pack, and get stuff for the trip, and stuff, and than on Wednesday we will get to spend all day (after school) together, and I need to make sure I make it a great time, because than on Thursday, she will be leaving, and I will be sad, like no one has ever seen me ever, I am gonna miss her so much, I just hope I don’t start crying before she leaves, because I don’t want her to remember the last time she saw me was when I was crying, that would make her sad. I got my book, it is awesome, Zac is gonna freak when I tell him. While I was waiting for band to end, my wrists started hurting really bad, because I typed up a lot of things, so yeah, I asked Serria for some Ibuprofen, I took 1000 MG of it, and you are only suppose to take I don’t know how many, I think it is 800 mg in 24 hours, I took 1000 in one shot, needless to say, I felt no more pain after a while, but I almost passed out when me and Tiff were at the mall, and that isn’t good. But I need to go, sleep is calling, and I have detention tomorrow morning, because my principal is a fucking dick.

Current Mood: jubilant
Current Music: Nothing

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